Things That Suck: The Maystache Edition

The Soul Patch.
No, not necessarily Howie Mandel..this time. He gave us Bobby’s World after all. Anyway.
Clearly the lamest of all facial hair options, the soul patch, as a stand alone feature, is flat out retarded. It just makes you look like a total tool. Grow a beard, grow a mustache, grow a goatee even though those stopped being cool 10 years ago for anyone but jazz club musicians wearing lame berets while playing the stand up bass. Grow anything else. Heck, you can even keep your soul patch with your new facial accessories, just DO NOT solely rock the patch. You’ll thank me later.

Disposable Razors.
Does anyone actually use these stupid things anymore? I mean, I remember when I was younger and used them a lot, but I was so naive. They always leave you with cuts that hurt for days. This is 2008 my man, move up to the real deal, the electric razor thingy. That’s how I roll. The very thought of using this prehistoric device ever again makes me cringe with fear and disgust. I know you feel the same way.

Orlando Bloom.
Props for sportin’ some sort of mustache, but just…cmon.